Those precious wasted moments…

Alice: “Hey, check this out. I’m using Google Calendar to sync all my calendars across three laptops, one desktop and one PDA, each running a different OS, including Vista, XP, OS X, Ubuntu and WM 6.1. Pretty friggin’ cool, huh?”

Bob: “Wow, so where’s the data actually stored? I mean, who does the syncing?”

Alice: “It’s in the Cloud, man! The friggin’ Cloud!”

Bob: “Where is that, exactly?”

Alice: “I don’t know, man. It’s just the Cloud! Who cares where it is? That’s the beauty of it. It’s just there, somewhere, doing its thing, man. In the Cloud!”

Bob: “Right, but what if it fails? What if your Google calendar is suddenly empty because of some glitch on their side. Oops, all your data is gone. What then?”

Alice: “No, man, you don’t understand. It’s in the Cloud! It can’t crash, bro, cuz it’s a Cloud!”

Bob: “So, the Cloud has magical properties now, does it? You know, any which way you name it, there’s still some hardware somewhere doing all the work. That means some server or servers. That means hardware failures. Whats more, this glorious Cloud is powered by software. That means some programmers. That means software bugs. Just calling it a Cloud doesn’t actually make it a Cloud, you know.”

Alice: “Right, but Cloud sounds friendly and safe.”

Bob: “And unreliable. You’d better make some local backups… just in case.”

Alice: “Whatever man, you’re such a buzz-kill. With all your talk of hardware and stuff. Mr. Doomsday, right here! Just believe in the Cloud, man. Google won’t let you down, you know. Those guys are really smart and stuff.”

Bob: “Right, don’t make a backup. Just believe in your magical Cloud people. Anyway… computers have never let us down before, right, so why worry? Moron.”

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Full Disclosure: This is based on a compilation of conversations over the past month. As of this morning, my Google Calendar is mysteriously empty. I have no backups and no recourse. The Cloud let me down and it wasn’t a soft landing. The Cloud is running hardware and software and both are prone to failure. Don’t listen to the hype. Make backups.

P.S. So, can you guess if I was Alice or Bob? =(

Please disregard every kind thing I’ve ever said about Apple. I recently took the plunge, drank the Cool-Aid and converted to Apple. How did Apple reward my faith? Well, by giving me a lemon in apple clothing. My beautiful silver MacBook with a zippy 2.4 GHz processor, 4 GB of memory and, of course, the “most advanced operating system in the world.” I truly thought this would solve all of life’s problems. The first day was Christmas, the first week was a summer-love, the first month was the honey-moon. But then…

The first time my Mac crashed, I pretended like I didn’t notice. I quickly hard-reset and pressed on with life. The next time it happened, my colleagues were there to see. I laughed nervously and made some remark about working too hard. Ha, ha. The next time it happened, I was scarred for life and there was no more possibility of denying it. In the middle of the night, the machine froze up while running the Flurry screen-saver. Vicious horizontal lines ripped the screen apart and a high-pitched screech pierced the night. I was scared. I was confused. I called tech support. What else could I do?

The nice men in white jackets took the MacBook calmly from my clenched fingers and nodded understandingly. It was a long week without my new friend. I got an old Linux desktop as a temporary replacement. No cool graphics, no multi-touch trackpad, just Emacs. A week later an email arrived saying they had traced the problem and had replaced the motherboard. I could pick up the MacBook the next day. It was Christmas all over again! I ran through the hallways of my office skipping and waving my arms. Yahoo! A new computer! A new chance at life!

The next day, I paced outside the help desk office until they opened. I grabbed the familiar box, signed the release form without looking and launched back into the world of the living. I pushed past doors, people and other noisy objects in a frenzy to unpack and turn-on the new light in my life. The movements came swiftly and with great efficiency. No second was wasted. No momentum was lost. Open, remove, slide, set, plug, lift, press… on. The Apple “ta-da” boot sound blared as triumphantly as anything Gabriel could muster. My Mac opened its drowsy eyes and smiled. Everything was going to be alright, the doctors said so, right? Well, just to be sure… I switched on the Flurry screen-saver and went to fetch a cup of coffee with a heavy swagger in my step.

When I returned, sipping caffeine through a smirk, my dreams, my hopes, my assumptions, my entire understanding of the world… came crashing down. The MacBook was frozen on the screen-saver, horizontal lines tearing it apart and a horrible screeching sound filling the air. Nothing had changed. The demon was still with us.

Without uttering a word, I shut down the machine and packed it back up. I slowly walked back to the help desk, passing the same doors, people and other noisy objects. It’s been two weeks now and still no word from the Apple iCenter. I’ve heard some suggestions blaming third-party RAM, which sounds plausible, but ultimately makes no difference. Twice I was lifted by the idea of attainable perfection and utopia. Twice I was dropped down a cold, dark shaft of grimy reality, where nothing works and no one has cause to smile. The dream of Apple is just that… a dream.

UPDATE: Just got the MacBook back after three weeks in the shop. I turned it on and powered up the screen-saver. It’s been running now without a problem for 12 minutes…13…