Those precious wasted moments…

Lavinia has a couple concerts in Sicily this week and, as usual, I’m following her around, carrying her bags and stopping traffic for her to cross the street. Now, Italy is just like any other country; they have food, taxis and bottled water, but there’s a certain twist that the Sicilians add to every transaction to leave you feeling special. This “special” feeling can come in many different ways. Sometimes they make you feel like a king and sometimes they make you feel dirty. Always they make you feel like you’re starring in a gangster movie where even casual paperboys are working for the mafia.

Case and point:

1.) Bus doesn’t feel like crossing the busy street, so they drive a little further and drop us off by the beach. “Look, beautiful beaches, for you! Yes, very nice! You like!” So you shake hands, smiling and get off the bus. “Wow, they did this just for us!” Of course, now you have to lug your luggage an extra mile back and cross that busy street on foot, but still… you feel special.

2.) Bus is two hours late. Most of us would complain, but the bus driver explains that the drive is much more beautiful by moonlight. “Very rare, yes! For you!” Again, you feel special.

3.) At 2:00am a bum approaches and asks you if you need a taxi. Yes, of course I need a taxi. He says to wait while he crosses the busy street, smacking the hoods of honking cars and twice being hit by pirates on dirty mopeds. Then, after almost thinking he had forgotten us, or had been run-over, he pulls up on the curb in an enormous, black Mercedes, hops out, throws the bags in the back and drives us with English Grace to the hotel. He then unloads us in front of the door (double parked and holding up two lanes of traffic, of course) and asks for a small amount of money. I hand it over and ask for a receipt (typical accountant, I am). He smiles, searches his filthy pockets (really, he looks like a bum) and produces a blank taxi receipt. “Just put whatever you want, yes? Okay? For you!” Again, you feel special.

4.) You arrive at a restaurant, but there are no available tables, so you begin to walk away. “No, no! You’a stay!” And the waiter produces two shots of Limoncello (limon alcohol). “For you! You’a stay! You’a stay!” After a refreshing shot of limony sweetness, you stand around like a dope for 30 minutes until a table clears and you can sit. You still waited like a dope for 30 minutes, but again… you feel special.

They rip you off and jerk you around, just like northern Europeans, but they make you feel good about it, like you’re THAT special, that they’re going to focus their attention on you. They’ll lie and cheat and steal, but they’ll do it with a knowing wink. “Our little secret, eh buddy?”

In the end, I don’t mind being conned, as long as you do it the Sicilian way!

According to Commontouch, spam now constitutes 95% of all email traffic. This means that spam has finally come to mirror the real world, seeing as 95% of what people say is mostly complete non-sense and BS.

Al Gore, the voracious senator, unremarkable vice-president, stiff presidential candidate and, of late, international man of eco-mystery has just won the Nobel Peace Prize together with the U.N.s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). This beefs up his resume to include, not only the two Oscars and a Grammy for his controversial documentary on climate change: An Inconvenient Truth, but also the most endearing and internationally respected award.

This puts Gore on par with previous recipients of this award, which include: Muhammed Yunus (microcredit), Mohammed El Baradei (nuclear non-proliferation), Doctors Without Borders (enough said), Shirin Ebadi (human rights), Kim Dae Jung (human rights), Jimmy Carter (human rights and peanuts, of course), Dalai Llama (ohm llama llama), Nelson Mandela (apartheid), Mother Teresa (almost a saint!), Martin Luther King Jr. (had a dream), Albert Schweitzer (the man, the legend) and Woodrow Wilson (Leauge of Nations).

Not that Gore is unworthy of a prize, but there are countless others that are much more worthy, such as Irena Sendler who worked to save Jews during WWII or even Oprah… all those houses to the homeless and cars to the car-less.

Moreover, what exactly did Al Gore do for world peace? He made a docu-drama about climate change that made a big impact and stirred up much controversy and outrage (see “The Great Global Warming Swindle“). It seems to me that this prize was simply given following political motivations to boost international awareness of the climate change discussion (read: shouting match), but is this a noble thing to do for the Nobel Foundation? Shouldn’t they give the Peace Prize to someone working to bring about peace? Where’s the link I’m missing? How will a global tax on carbon emissions bring about peace? How many people die from poverty, rather than scarcity of food or resources? How many wars will be fought if the polar bear goes extinct? How many wars are fought over things not relating to climate change?

Perhaps global climate change will bring about global warring and if Gore can prevent the first, then he’s already awarded for preventing the second. Yet, this is based on a supposition of future events rather than the blood, sweat and tears of current actions. He’s being awarded for something he might one day achieve. In that case, you might as well give me my diploma before I actually finish my thesis, after all, I just might actually finish it some day. There are plenty of people worthy for this award that have spent their lives saving lives, fighting poverty, promoting peace and human rights. Yet, this award is given to the guy who championed NAFTA and presided over the bombing of just how many countries while vice-president?